Is there such a thing as a true 50-50 split in a relationship? You’ll recall last week I talked about honesty. Thwt got me to thinking about sacrifice and work within a relationship. Can it ever be truly right down the middle or is there always one partner that gives or takes more?
I was 22, just out of college and getting married. Of course, I thought we would equally split everything in our marriage. Things went well. He got up nights without first child. I decided, at least while I was still on leave – I took three months off, it was ridiculous for him to get up. I, without conscious thought, usurped some of his equality.
Once a responsibility is taken away, or given to another in a relationship, it is hard to go back to the previous way. People, while possibly embracing change, are creatures of status quo. We like the way things are and do not warm up to change well.
Enter my current relationship. I freelance. At least right now, I,work from wherever I am. Occasionally, I have a gig that requires I be in a specific location but, for the most part, I can work anywhere. He goes into work daily. His business is busier in the winter and he will usually work seven days straight and the following week will be a normal Monday to Friday week. Days are frequently 12 to 14 hours with ten being normal. I adapted to this and between Thanksgiving and Christmas spent a good bit of time at his home. I could still work and we could spend his off time together.
Recently, my youngest has moved out. This was a period of time I needed to be at home to help with the move.Now he is gone, I am cleaning out a room that has gone from one child to another as the older left for college. It is not a one day clean out. I have also been fighting a head cold, nothing serious but like most people, I prefer my own home when not feeling 100%. His schedule, due to a few uncontrollable factors at work, has led to a few odd weekdays off. You would think this would be ideal. The problem here is the status quo.
I think it would be great if he would come spend a day,with me at my home. I can move my work around and he knows this. He would most likely be leaving early evening so I could work then. His idea is he should come get me so I can go to his home. Status quo.
How do couples get around a stasis that is not wanted? Once a situation is changed, due to circumstances in that moment, can it change again?