In looking for a password to a work account, I came across a writing I had done in the past. It speaks to connectedness. It speaks to need. It speaks to me so I thought I would share it with you.
I remember now why I try hard to live my life not needing others. with need comes an opening up of your heart to the chance someone else will et you down. Being needed… Carrying a burden of trying not to let someone else down…
I know you said you would never hurt me. Or at least that you didn’t want to hurt me. I got offline that night because I hurt. I felt blindsided. You sat talking with me just two days ago, telling me I needed you. Now you say you are leaving everyone behind.
While I understand standing on your own, I have come to believe, thanks in part to you, that even if we stand on our our own we need people to support us.
It is almost ironic, if it didn’t hurt so much, that it seems we have traded places.
I look like I am strong and together. Yet, I am sitting in bed crying. I am the one wondering what your decisions mean for me. I know I am not a player in your decisions. I shouldn’t be. That is not our relationship and probably never will be. You know I want you to be happy. If this is the way to your happiness, that is wonderful. I will also be there for you – not to stand you up but to clap for you as you stand yourself up.