While reading a good friend’s blog this morning, I was drawn to think back to past relationships of mine. Why had some of these relationships blossomed and then died, like a flower does when cut and brought inside? Was it change in my life or his? Was it timing?
The one common part of all the relationships I looked back over was me. The common issue was that I never put me first. Once I fell in love with a person – and I have fallen several times since my marriage ended many years ago – I wanted what was best for that person. If I did not think I was the best thing, if I thought that new job or even that new person was better, I let him go. It was almost as if I sabotaged my own happiness.
Let’s take a closer, much more personal look. There was the first guy I dated post-marriage. Yes, I say guy as I was 35 and he was 23. My girlfriends assured me this was normal. You go for the younger guy, then the older man before finding Mr Right again. If only they had also told me that Mr Right again may not appear right away….
We had a great time. I will not say that we had a relationship but evidently we did. I was not in this for keeps. I knew that and told him upfront. I was very honest with him about what I was looking for RIGHT THEN. He wanted me to meet mom and dad. Let me explain. He was not from my area. He wanted to take me home for the holidays. He knew I had kids but he never met them. He knew I was not thinking long-term. That ended the fun right there.
Then, I met and got involved with two gentlemen who, either one could have been Mr Right – in a different time. I fell for both of them easily. One of them knew my feelings; one did not. I let one go as it was best for him at that point in his life. He needed a partner who could be by his side as he went through some changes in his life. The timing was definitely very wrong. The other let me go as we lived too far apart. He found someone closer to home.
Both of these men remain in my heart. I pray for them each daily and hope they have love and happiness in their lives. While I may have been slightly devastated at the time, either being let go or letting go was best. I just couldn’t tell them to stay with me. That may have been what I wanted but it was not what was right for them.
As I look back over other relationships I have had or even ones I am having now, I wonder. Am I destine to make the same mistakes? Have I been totally honest with myself in these relationships? Have I been totally honest with the other person involved? How would I react today if any of these men came back into my life?
Do you always tell someone when you discover you love them or do you stop and think if that is best for them? Do you always ‘fess up?
One thought on “Do You Always ‘Fess Up?”