I purposely hoped today would be a day full of things to do. I want to stay busy. While I may not think often that the last year has been different, it has. A year ago today, my father died. While it was unexpected, it was also not unexpected. He was not all that old, having turned 71 two days previous. He was, though, in bad health.
The hardest times have been those times when local news has happened – not the day to day news, the big local news stories. You see, my father was a newspaperman. The first hit came – literally – at the beginning of April when Binghamton made national news with a mass shooting at the American Civic Association. I cried. I cried for the dead. I cried for their families. I cried because I thought of Dad missing the story.
There were other stories that made me miss my father. Binghamton has been rife with shootings and stabbings this past year. The other thing that has really hit hard is the local sports seasons.
My father was huge hockey fan. He had a season ticket to the local AHL team’s games. From all I can tell, he was on a first name basis with the ticket and parking assignment people. He went to NCAA hockey every chance he got. My oldest daughter is heading to the College Hockey America conference tournament next weekend.
I also can imagine my dad’s disappointment in the scandal surrounding Binghamton University’s basketball program. He had season tickets to both the women’s and the men’s games. He would have been furious about the recent decision to not allow the men’s team to play in the conference tournament.
Then, there are the personal, family things he missed. I had a son graduate from high school and start college. I had a daughter graduate from college.
Nicki's Nook 
Your dad was a great man! I enjoyed working with him…. How time flies….
Thanks, Joe. Couldn’t type anymore so just ended it there but there may be a part two coming.
Anniversaries (when they involve loss) are so hard…I hope you find some peace today, even as you miss your father. It’s interesting how references to his work remind you so deeply of this loss. He sounds like a wonderful man.
Nicki, I’m really sorry for your loss. I hope that time has smoothed some of the jagged edges of this pain, but not all of them. Acutely feeling someone’s absence reminds us of how much they meant. You honor your father with this post, and I’m sure he appreciates it.
Praying for you today, for strength and courage. The one year marks are always difficult, as are any day… but commemorating a year is huge, and painful. I’m so sorry for your loss. Hope today finds you celebrating his life and his love.
Hi Nicki, you are in my thoughts. I lost my father when I was 14 and years after that it was still hard. The absence is palpable. I can say this, with more years come more healing but I don’t know if the wistfulness for his presence will ever go away especially during milestone moments.
Nikki, I’m sorry you are missing your dad today (and of course, every day). He sounds like a wonderful man. xoxo.
Nicki,
I’m sorry for the pain you’re feeling, and I understand it well, having lost both my parents. No matter how many years go by, those anniversaries are difficult, especially my own father.
He died much too young, not much older than I am now, in perfect health, in a car accident. I have missed him for 22 years, and all that he could’ve shared in – namely my sons, our little family, my elder who was named for him and who resembles him so strongly.
But there’s honoring and love in the memories. And that always helps.
Thinking of you.
Nicki – I am thinking about you today. As I think you know, I too lost my father relatively recently. And it is so hard. Time does wonders, but the sting never subsides. And these anniversary days are tricky and tough, stuffed with memory and longing. My father’s birthday is approaching at the end of the month and I am both dreading and looking forward to the ocean of feelings and tears I will experience that day.
I hope you are staying busy and leaning on the family and friends you love. Tomorrow is a new day. And hopefully an easier one.
Thank you for letting us support you – in our small and clumsy ways – through this day.
As painful as it is, what a wonderful legacy he left for you to share with all of us! Thinking about you today – and praying that you will get some joy out of remembering the great guy that you describe him to be.
Thank you all for your kind words. As Aidan said, tomorrow is a new day – hopefully, one without tears. I so want to be able to respond to you each individually but just cannot tonight.
These anniversaries are so difficult, but so important to honor. Tears are good. Sadness is okay. Missing him is natural. Just let it happen, embrace and feel the emotions, and know there are many of us sending good vibes (virtual hugs!) your way this week.
Dear Nicki,
Your father sounds like a wonderful man and, as Gale said, you do honor to his memory by celebrating his life here. And it is no mystery where you get your interest in the news from!
Here’s hoping today is a sunny one, full of small ways to honor his life and to celebrate your own.
Nicki, I’m sorry about your dad. I’ve been missing mine too since it’s the memorial day for his death, 35 years. Hard to believe.
I just try to plug on, to be the type of woman I think the absolute soul of him would have wanted me to be.
Thank you, Eva, Kristen and Linda. I am working my way through all this slowly.
Oh, Nicki, I am sad I missed this post. I want to send my condolences to you as well. Death is hard to bear, whether it is expected or unexpected.
As always, you are in my prayers.
Amber – thank you! Seems, as I saw one of my sister’s today, that I am the only one effected this way. Odd.