I’ve always been the cautious one. I take my time in committing to causes and candidates and to love. I’m not saying I want to date forever. I don’t. I want one person in my life to share all the ups and downs. BUT I do not understand something and need a new perspective if y’all could supply one.
I get chemistry. I understand that unique pull that occurs when two people meet. I also truly believe that the spark you may feel may not last. I cannot go out with someone for a day or two and know that that person is THE person. I do not understand how this happens and I need someone to explain.
Let’s give you some background. Back in 2014, I joined match.com for probably the millionth – okay, third – time. I went out on a few dates around my very busy spring racing schedule.
I had at least one guy that was rather possessive after one lunch date. He was rather perturbed I was going to a race that required a hotel stay and I was sharing a room with a guy. I saw no problems sharing a room with a married friend looking to cut costs for the race who happened to be male. The possessiveness drove me up a wall and I didn’t see this guy again.
I went out to dinner with a man who ultimately invited me back to his apartment after that first date. I declined. I didn’t feel comfortable going to his apartment later in the evening. He point blank asked if I would sleep with him on a first date to which I emphatically said no. He said good as he knew that was not the way to build a relationship. Strange litmus test but I agree with the sentiment. He asked me to dinner later in the week which he would like to make for me.
I went to dinner at his apartment. Food was fantastic. We had a fairly intense make out session – who knew I was still in high school? – during which he said I was who he wanted to spend the rest of his life with and he wasn’t going to see other people. I froze. Way too soon in my mind.
Back to online dating, only I don’t think of Google Plus as a dating site. I have some friends and ended up getting a request from someone who was a friend of a friend of a friend. I went back and forth about putting him in one of my circles. I finally said fine as I figured I could always remove him if there was an issue.
Fast forward a few weeks and he pings me on a hangout. We chat for a few minutes. He seems like a good guy. Three days later he invites me to his state, approximately 1000 miles from where I currently live. I basically tell him to back off. He starts chatting with me more after a bit. He pushes this I’m the one for him thing. I basically tell him I do not want to speak to him anymore. I take him out of my circles.
The question here is is it me? Am I too distrustful? Give me a different perspective on this if you have one. I’m beginning to think it is a male-female thing but maybe I am wrong.
2 thoughts on “Needed: A Different Perspective”
YOU have to feel comfortable and if you don’t – trust your gut. Don’t allow the pushy, possessive or cultivators out there to take away you and what you want in a relationship. It has to be shareable and mutually agreed upon. If one or the other wants more than that, it is time to keep searching. Good luck, I have a feeling things will look up for you over the next year, just be picky and not drop YOUR standards to accept something less than what you are really looking for.
Thanks, Harold! I’m getting good at standing my ground. I’m hoping things are definitely looking up this year.