Just my Thoughts

Needed: A Different Perspective

I’ve always been the cautious one. I take my time in committing to causes and candidates and to love. I’m not saying I want to date forever. I don’t. I want one person in my life to share all the ups and downs. BUT I do not understand something and need a new perspective if y’all could supply one.

I want to feel comfortable before I want to spend my life with someone.
I want to feel comfortable before I want to spend my life with someone.

I get chemistry. I understand that unique pull that occurs when two people meet. I also truly believe that the spark you may feel may not last. I cannot go out with someone for a day or two and know that that person is THE person. I do not understand how this happens and I need someone to explain.

Let’s give you some background. Back in 2014, I joined match.com for probably the millionth – okay, third – time. I went out on a few dates around my very busy spring racing schedule.

Scenario One

I had at least one guy that was rather possessive after one lunch date. He was rather perturbed I was going to a race that required a hotel stay and I was sharing a room with a guy. I saw no problems sharing a room with a married friend looking to cut costs for the race who happened to be male. The possessiveness drove me up a wall and I didn’t see this guy again.

Scenario Two

I went out to dinner with a man who ultimately invited me back to his apartment after that first date. I declined. I didn’t feel comfortable going to his apartment later in the evening. He point blank asked if I would sleep with him on a first date to which I emphatically said no. He said good as he knew that was not the way to build a relationship. Strange litmus test but I agree with the sentiment. He asked me to dinner later in the week which he would like to make for me.

I went to dinner at his apartment. Food was fantastic. We had a fairly intense make out session – who knew I was still in high school? – during which he said I was who he wanted to spend the rest of his life with and he wasn’t going to see other people. I froze. Way too soon in my mind.

Scenario Three

Back to online dating, only I don’t think of Google Plus as a dating site.  I have some friends and ended up getting a request from someone who was a friend of a friend of a friend. I went back and forth about putting him in one of my circles. I finally said fine as I figured I could always remove him if there was an issue.

Fast forward a few weeks and he pings me on a hangout. We chat for a few minutes. He seems like a good guy. Three days later he invites me to his state, approximately 1000 miles from where I currently live. I basically tell him to back off. He starts chatting with me more after a bit. He pushes this I’m the one for him thing. I basically tell him I do not want to speak to him anymore. I take him out of my circles.


The question here is is it me? Am I too distrustful? Give me a different perspective on this if you have one. I’m beginning to think it is a male-female thing but maybe I am wrong.


2 thoughts on “Needed: A Different Perspective

  1. YOU have to feel comfortable and if you don’t – trust your gut. Don’t allow the pushy, possessive or cultivators out there to take away you and what you want in a relationship. It has to be shareable and mutually agreed upon. If one or the other wants more than that, it is time to keep searching. Good luck, I have a feeling things will look up for you over the next year, just be picky and not drop YOUR standards to accept something less than what you are really looking for.


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