Sounds like a game from my teen years. Maybe it’s a little like Truth or Dare. No, not a game. I want to know have you ever been in a relationship that has been decidedly one-sided. By that, I mean one partner is giving more. The other partner may be taking more or may just be ambivalent.
Generally speaking if you are on the side of giving more, you probably don’t notice the lopsidedness of your relationship. I say this in retrospect as I know I have been on this side of the relationship balance beam.
I definitely had a relationship where I was the one giving. I gave of my time, my emotions, my home, myself. He gave of his time, himself but not really of his emotions. I thought, at the start, I was okay with that. I knew he didn’t want emotions to be part of the equation past the friendship line. I thought I could do that. I could be his friend and nothing more.
Time passed and I realized that what I thought and what was reality were not the same. I could see some emotional involvement coming on my part. He still was not emotionally attached at all. By the time we needed to take a step back and see what was really happening, I was all in. I wanted what we had and wanted it to grow in the future. These were not things he wanted. He wanted a friendship and wanted only that in the future. He was also more than willing to let the friendship be very long distance and not to have any emotional attachment at all. I was heartbroken but moved on with my life.
Now, I’m in a different relationship. I am not opposed to the emotional gamut this relationship is presenting. I do, though, feel myself holding back. I’m not ready to jump in fulling. It is more, to use a water analogy, like I want to sit on the dock and dangle my feet in the water as opposed to doing a cannonball and getting myself and others soaked. I feel badly as I think that the other person wants more and is readily giving more and doing so freely. I don’t know how to let go of what is causing me to hold back something.
Have you ever not known how to go all in in a relationship? Is that a warning signal the relationship is not a good one?