I have a draft started that contains the quote “Stand for something or fall for anything” attributed to anonymous.  I think I have recently experienced this issue first hand.

Am I saying I never understood what it means to stand for something – a cause, a belief, a person – before in my life?  Absolutely not.  I understand the concept.  I just had never had to fight so hard to take my stand until this week.  And, then, worse than taking a stand that is different from others around me, I had my integrity and my reasoning for said stand called into question by those I have to work with on a continual basis.

So let’s start at the beginning in this vague story.  I belong to a group that generally seems to always be on the same page every time a decision has to be made.  Have I asked a lot of questions about decisions within this group?  You bet I have.  Have I ever been in the minority of some decisions?  Sure.  Have I ever had my personal integrity questioned because I did not agree with the group?  No.  Well, now I can say I have.

Worse than that, I let this “attack,” for lack of a better word, take my mind into a spiral of a dark place.  I couldn’t get my mind out of that hole as I sat and did little or nothing for a day.  I knew, in my heart, that my decision was the right one.  Yet, I let someone else make me feel less than sure about my decision, my decision-making process and myself.  This is the part of standing my ground that really bothered me.  I could talk a good game to others.  We are all able to have our own opinion.  We should all be able to express that opinon.  Yet, I  couldn’t shake that my opinion was being called less than worthy.

To put this decision behind me has been difficult.  I was very emotional for a day or two when I thought about the decision and when I had to discuss it with other members of the group.  I am moving forward, knowing that I have done what I was suppose to do in making this decision.  I hope those who called my integrity into question because of my decision can move forward also.