Family · Just my Thoughts

This and That

I have to tell you that I have had so many entry ideas running around inside my head I have been paralyzed.  I have been unable to get any of them out.  These wonderful inspirations are coming from the Half Drunk Challenge that has put out and continues for the next two days.  So, with the little time I have left in today – yes, I realize it is just barely noon but I still have to run and then back to Oneonta for a swim/dive meet, I am going to put some thoughts out there.  And, I am going to start with a reaction or two that came flitting into my mind when I read “Men’s Junk.”

I am going to preface my thoughts with this statement.  I am going to talk about penises because the original post did.  I am going to talk about penises because that is what I know best in this context.  I have to presume that there are lesbians out there that feel the same way about vaginas as some women do about penises but for me, this is going to be about penises – sort of and mostly.

As I was reading the original author’s thoughts, I got to thinking about parenting and penises.  Yes, I know that usually a woman needs a penis to get pregnant and become a parent but that is not quite where I am going.

As children grow up, a lot of their values and later thoughts are formed.  Are we doing these children any service by teaching them to call penises and vaginas by “pet names,” regardless of how cute these names may sound when a two year old blurts them out at the mall Santa or when it is quiet in church.

A lot of the disdain and general lack of support by women for penises comes from what they learned as a child.  If your mother always referred to your penis by some strange name or something that may indicate it is only for urinating – I cannot tell you the number of women I hear calling, even to other adults, their sons’ penis “wee wee,” chances are you are not going to want to become friends with your husband/boyfriend/lover/significant other’s penis.

When children are old enough to say the words vagina and penis, parents should encourage the proper terminology.  Parents should also make sure that children know that these organs have many reasons for being.

Let’s take this story which comes courtesy of #1 when he was not quite two.  I was rather largely pregnant with twins as #1’s second birthday approached.  He was two so there was not, in my mind, any reason to correct him when he said there were babies growing in my stomach/tummy.  For the most part, and as far as a two year old is concerned, that is where the babies were.  Actually for the 25 year old me, it was hard to believe my uterus could expand as much as it was for the twins so how could I expect a two year old male to get it.

Then came the morning I was sitting home on disability and having a cup of tea.  It was a morning that #1 was not at preschool as he was young and only went two days a week.  Being the good pregnant woman, I was having herbal tea – a habit I continue to this day.  #1 came over and started batting at my cup and telling me to stop.  I got up out of the chair and put the cup on the kitchen counter where #1 could not reach it.  I called to him and explained I had put my tea down but he should not bat at hot liquids – always a teachable moment.  He said, “Mommy canNOT drink hot tea.  It will burn the babies in her tummy.”

I was stunned.  The teachable moment was not about the hot liquid burning him if he caused me to spill the tea.  The teachable moment was going to be female anatomy.  I sat him on what was left of my lap and started in.  In the end, I settled for mommies have compartments and babies are not in the same one that hot tea goes to.  It was the best I had for a two year old.  I didn’t think uterus was necessary but I did tell him, at the end of the talk, that it was called a uterus.  Thankfully, this was not what he screamed out in church that weekend.

So parents, take note.  You form the way your children will look at sex of all kinds and how they will look at reproductive organs at a very young age.

Next – and heaven help you all as I think this is going to be a long one, let’s look at the adult point of view.  I happen to like sex.  I have always liked sex.  I am not sure that the person who wrote “Men’s Junk” does but maybe.  Hard to tell.  I like the pleasure and the release that comes through sex.  I also love the children that I have and they come through sex, too.

I have to be honest.  I like penises, at least most of them that I have met.  I am not afraid, whether at a fancy restaurant for a tete a tete or in the bedroom, to run my hand over a man’s thigh – providing that is where our relationship is – or even over his penis.  I know what turns a man on and am not afraid to discuss it with my children.  They do get a little queasy when mom discusses these things but we have had the discussions – from trust to sex to how to put on condoms to love.

I have explained to my children that a relationship needs to be two-way, sort of like those radios they wanted as kids.  It does no good if one person in the relationship isn’t really in it.  You need to talk about all kinds of things, including what give you and your SO pleasure.  If you do not discuss these things, how are you to know?  We are all so different individually that just thinking you know what will pleasure someone else is not good enough.

There are some ways, other than talking, that might help you find these pleasure areas.  If there is a great deal of trust in the relationship, it is possible you can “feel your way” around what will give your SO pleasure.  Sometimes, this exploration is fun but if you accidentally do something not so pleasurable, this can also be a problem.

Anyway, the long and the short – no pun intended as far as the penises go – remains that communication is tops for any kind of relationship:  man/woman, man/man, woman/man, parent/child,etc.  You have to talk.  You have to trust.  You have to explore.  All of these are forms of communication that are so  necessary.  And just remember, as a parent, there are tons of teachable moments so teach your child/children that the body is a beautiful thing and meant to be enjoyed.

6 thoughts on “This and That

  1. Amen!
    I agree with all of this, Nicki. Penis and vagina in my house. (I spend an inordinate amount of time saying, “VAH-gina, not BUH-gina” so that they all get it right.)
    My kids are young, but they’ve heard uterus and womb, and when they ask questions I try to be as open and informative as possible. No sex talks yet …

    1. I think I am lost, Jen. This is where I went with what I was writing but was not where I had intended to go. The words just came typing out of my fingers.

  2. Nicki, as the mom of two young boys, I am very grateful for this post. I have never really thought about the connection between what we call our body parts/how we talk about them as kids and how we feel about them as adults, but I think your ideas make a lot of sense.

    My 2 year old calls his penis a “winkus,” thanks to my sister-in-law. I think I’m going to have a put a stop to that. 🙂

    1. Funny, Kristen. A grown male friend posted on Twitter last night that he had run in very cold temps – not an uncommon thing here in the winter – and thought he might have frozen his “winky” off. He had not yet read this and I just had to contact him and harass him about it.

  3. My mom was in nursing school when I was a baby. She read her textbooks to us. I have always referred to reproductive parts and organs by their medical names – vagina, vulva, mons – and it wasn’t until I was married to someone who referred to them as cock and pussy that I really started to explore my dirty side.

    So – ahem – what I mean to say is…good point!

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