Family · Just my Thoughts

Ch-Ch-Changes

Change floats in the air like the pollen this time of year. The spring musical just wrapped up at our local high school – my youngest’s last high school Drama Club production. I am excited for him to start a new part of his life. I am excited to start a new part of my life. Yet, the tears flowed at both the cast party on Saturday night and as that curtain closed – truthfully, during the final musical number – on “Grease” yesterday.

Number six will have a shortened summer. How short, we are not totally sure yet. That will be determined this week. If he wins a state competition he is headed to, he will lose the first five days of his summer, leaving for a national competition the day after graduation. As it is, his summer will be approximately a month shorter than his classmates as he starts college July 31st.

As a father of another senior said yesterday, the tears are not for the boy-man leaving home. The tears are for the child who has been gone for a long time. The tears are for the child that no longer enjoys playing on a playground but prefers the car keys. The tears are for the friendships that will end for that child as high school ends.

The tears flow not because of grief or doubt. The tears flow because of joy and anticipation. Joy that high school is coming to a close but has prepared the child for college, for life. Joy that new friendships are on the horizon in a new place. Anticipation of new learning. Anticipation of new growth. Anticipation of new friendships.

Tears will continue to flow as prom comes and goes, as graduations come and go. Tears will mark a new part of life just as they marked a new birth years before.

9 thoughts on “Ch-Ch-Changes

  1. Oh, Goodness, Nicki! I am already tearing up for my own “someday.” I think the tears are also partially for the myself and the daily dependence on mom that won’t be necessary any more 😦

    1. Me too. Those words make me want to freeze in time this moment now, especially this summer before my oldest baby goes to middle school. I feel like in some ways it might be the last summer where he is more child than adult – by next summer I am sure he’ll be further on the spectrum to grown up and I’m not ready.

  2. I find it both exciting and bittersweet to think of my big kid’s eventual senior year. He’s still a child, but I see him moving closer and closer to those teenage years.

  3. I’m with Stacia. In tears here. My girls are young but I also know how fast the time disappears from us…and I’m not looking forward to saying goodbye when the time comes for them to leave the next.

    Oh man, I can’t even think about that!

  4. I have to echo Stacia’s comment above. Best.line.ever. Only it’s not a line, it’s true. I am on the cusp of child number one leaving home. It’s always struck me that I feel the joy and anticipation of his milestones whereas for the baby, the sadness of the child that is no more.

  5. Love this, Nicki. So happy to be back here reading your words. A big thanks to Jen and Sarah for the push.

  6. I have to echo my fellow commenters. This line echos within me “The tears are for the child who has been gone for a long time.” I sense that will be happening as I watch my Kindergartner graduate to the first grade in a few weeks.

  7. I think that’s part of why I always liked change so much when I was younger: the anticipation and adventure that came with it. If I could see it like that now I think the changes that are on our horizon would be a lot less scary. Okay, starting now I am going to change my perspective about change. Phew.

    And yes, the line that Stacia pointed to, it’s a doozy. xo

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