October, among other things, is domestic violence awareness month.  Domestic violence is an issue that has always been on my radar.  Even in my rural or suburban neighborhoods, it is a commonly, sadly, in the headlines.  No one, though, wants to talk about this issue.  Yet, along with protected sex, in my mind, domestic violence is as important to discuss with our teenagers and our children as being safe if having sex.

 

Recently, the news was all about the trial of a former boyfriend who had eventually murder a 25 year old locally.  The trial just had me reliving the actual discovery and murder.  I do not know how families go through trials.  Today it was a headline in the Elmira paper that caught my attention.  A Bath, New York man was arrested for hitting, binding with electrical tape and choking a woman.  While the relationship between the two was not disclosed, I would bet – if I were a betting person – that it was a domestic relationship.

 

Think of this scenario.  A woman leaves her husband as he is hitting her.  When she goes to social services to get assistance, the first questions are: “can you sell your car?”  “if you have assets – including children’s savings accounts and college savings accounts – you need to liquidate those.”  Eventually, even though mortified, she goes back time and time again.  Each time a bit of her self-esteem is taken but she does get food stamps so she can feed her children.  She does not get rent assistance or day care assistance.  He should helping pay for the day care, she is told, which would leave her money for the rent.  Would you go through this?  Would you continue to fill out forms when people are degrading you?  I am not sure what my answer would be.

 

The Allstate Foundation is trying to make a difference in the domestic violence seen this October.  While no amount of clicking on web sites can help the three women that die each day in the US due to a domestic violence incident, ClicktoEmpower.org can help raise awareness of domestic violence and provide those who wish to talk about it with talking points.  If you are sitting at a table with three friends, one of you has or will experience domestic violence.  That is 25%.  That is NOT acceptable.  Of the four of you, three know someone who has been touched by domestic violence.

 

I encourage all women to talk about domestic violence.  If you cannot talk to friends about an issue like this, make yourself knowledgeable.  Know what to do when someone you know is having issues.  Know the telltale signs.  Be willing to step up and help as it takes a lot for a woman to leave a home or a relationship that is home.