Just my Thoughts

Sex in Review?

Sex!  What is it that makes everyone and their brother blogger want to write about it?  And why, the last week of the year, the last week of the decade is writing about sex coming to the forefront?

First, there are many reasons bloggers want to write about sex.  In the case of Big Little Wolf’s “Sex vs. Lovemaking – why are we so confused?” my guess is she wrote it to provoke discussion among her readers.  She has started something as there are not only comments in response to her writing but entire separate blog entries, such as this one, that were spawned from her thoughts.  Some of the blogs that have provided responses to Big Little Wolf’s are The Wild Mind’s “Sex or Making Love?  Who Is Confused?” and Jassnight’s “Sex – the Master’s Division.”

In some cases, bloggers write about sex because it brings in readers.  For those of you who have recently written about sex, take a look at your numbers.  People are drawn to sex.  It is a taboo in American culture, as far as rational discussion goes, but it is also a subject that people are drawn into as they feel they shouldn’t be.  I am casting no judgment on whether this is healthy or not.

In other cases, bloggers write about sex because they have to as a job requirement.  Have you ever read any of the blogs at Nerve.com or even some of the ones at YourTango.com?  These blogs are the ones whose jobs are to discussion sex, sex toys, sexual positions, relationships and such.

So why is it that these questions about sex seem to be coming up (pun fully intended) here during the last week of the year, the last week of the decade?  The reasons for this are as varied as the reasons for blogging about sex to begin with but I am going to concentrate on one reason.

We all want relationships with other people.  We all need connectedness.  We are sitting on the cusp of a time when we all look back and attempt to reflect on the goals that we made for the past year, or in this particular case, possibly the past decade.  In most cases, at least one, if not more of those goals, will have to do with friendships, relationships, or sex.

As we are evaluating what we did this past 365 days or 3650 days, we are also looking forward to what we will be doing in the upcoming days.  Please realize that goals, resolutions, aspirations – I don’t really care what we call them as they all are the same thing – are not realistic if they are not measured.  We need to review what we have done and continue to do as we strive to change or complete our resolutions.

I looked back over my aspirations from 2005 and on.  Each year I put down something along the lines of “Be proactive in finding new friends and possibly a more than friend interest.” That is my evolved format.  It started out as I will find new friends, additional friends.  There were steps about joining online dating sites and steps about attending more events locally.  After all, what good is a “more than friend interest” who lives in British Columbia when you are a woman over 40 with six kids?  Actually, in looking back, I didn’t even put this as an aspiration in 2005 or 2006.  I knew that there was not time to invest in new friendships and relationships then if I had to search them out.  The new people I met those years were people that were thrown into my life somehow.

The reason sex is in everyone’s mind this time of year is that these resolutions from the past year are up for “review.”  As in your occupation, reviews are ways to find out how to improve performance.  So if you had a “relationship” as a resolution last January and are still not in one, how do you improve that performance?  If you are in one now, what is the thing most likely to be thought about in the improvement category?  Well, in some cases, you may think it is communication or time spent together but more likely than not, when you think about improvement in the newer relationships, sex is going to come to mind.

So, whether we want to get some or whether we want to think about if the sex we are having is sex or lovemaking, it is normal to have our minds wonder to this topic at this time of year.

8 thoughts on “Sex in Review?

  1. I know a pair of bloggers in their 40s, she in Houston, he in Yorkshire, UK who have a thing going these last few years. They met through blogs, and travel to see each other from time to time and….it is working for them 🙂

  2. Ahhh! Nicki! My day started out great reading this post while sipping coffee! And your thoughts are so timely, relevant and true!!!!

    Look what BLW started!!! And your comments about reflecting and re-assessing our goals and focus for the upcoming year is powerful. That’s what I’m having to do these days.

    Of course, you forgot one other reason people write about it. LOL! I can only speak from my own experience, but some of us have to write about it (or joke about it) because that’s the closest we will ever get to it! LOL!

    Fun stuff, great post!

  3. There is great irony that in this land of so many freedoms, we retain extraordinarily puritanical views about what is natural, accepted as such in other cultures, and the very essence of life.

    As for bloggers who write about sex to bring in readers – I have no problem with that, if the writing is interesting. I write about sex (and relationships) along with whatever else meanders into my mind on a given day – and in fact, sex and relationships were the topic of discussion that day prior, in an email exchange with a friend.

    I also have experienced some confusion in male friends on this very topic, in recent months. All the more reason to discuss it.

    I love that you bring in the fact that for you – and for most of us – each year, we hope for love and fulfillment romantically, as the new year approaches. We may not admit it out loud, but most of us do. Loving and wanting to be loved in return is the sweet stuff.

    As for sex – I think as adults, we really do need to remember that it can be playful and as you say – about connectedness. We need that. Life is complicated and challenging – those moments of good connection sustain us. Lovemaking? Of course it’s divine. But in my experience, it’s also rare.

    And yes! This remains a topic I’ll come back to. When I write, I am exploring my own questions and learning in the process – and hoping to learn from those who comment or who take the discussion in another direction.

    What could be better than that? (Well – good sex, maybe.)


    1. There is definitely an irony in the puritanical views on sex in the US. I worry daily about these views as they truly cause issues for our children.

      I do think sex needs to be discussed – in the open, whether you are having it or not, by all ages and genders of people. No two people see sex the same way and, when things get distorted, not only does the sex usually get bad but so does any other relationship that may be there.

      Loving and being loved in return are wonderful things. I had a friend say to me once “you have a heart that wants to be caressed.” Those words are so true. We all have hearts that want to be caressed. Sometimes we are lucky and get that. Other times, not so much.

  4. What could be better than that? Good sex, maybe, but I’m holding out for that love-making experience. Yeah, I know. I’m going to die an old woman! (I’d say lonely, but the relational complexities involved in anything less, I just don’t miss and I do love being alone!) LOL!!! Yeah, I know, I’ve set my stakes way too high and might very well kill myself on them.

    And…admittedly…I am old school and puritanical. As much as I’ve tried to get beyond that I just can’t. I have to have good relationship before any kind of sex kicks in, let alone good sex…and, so, of course, forget “love making”. I’m so freaking doomed.


    1. TWM – You crack me up! I would never have taken you as the old school, puritanical type. Lots of people take good ol’ Catholic me for that and I am far from it.

      Hold out for what you think is important! We should all hold out for what we want. Settling – as in the Sugarland song – is not happening!!!!

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