Family · Just my Thoughts

How Far Do You Push?

How far do you push others to do what you think is “the right thing?”

You may think this is a huge ethics question.  It can be, that is for sure.  Not this time, though.  This time it is all about family.

My ex’s mother was admitted to a hospital earlier this week for congestive heart failure.  After a diuretic and rest and observation, she was released.  It is my understanding she basically told the doctor she didn’t want paddles or a pacemaker or a ventilator if it came to that.  She will be 86 this year and says that she is ready for whatever God has in store for her.

If you read here frequently, you will know that my ex had emergency brain surgery about six weeks ago.  He cannot drive from upstate New York to South Carolina.  I am not totally sure that his going in a weekend, even this upcoming long weekend and without having to drive, is a totally good idea.  That is the idea I am pushing, though.

We have six children.  Four of them are licensed drivers.  A fifth is a permitted driver – which I believe does not work in other states but a driver non the less.  The six kids and their dad could go to South Carolina.  At least one of our college-aged kids has not yet started summer work so does not have to be back by Monday evening.  My ex could stay longer.

My thought, as it has been in previous situations, is that it is better to go visit now while gramma is still alive than to go to South Carolina for a funeral.

Just how far do you push your own opinion?  Do you force an issue like this?

3 thoughts on “How Far Do You Push?

  1. Aw, sweetie, I don’t think you can. You can make sure that they understand where you are coming from — better a visit than a funeral and how much guilt and regret they would experience, the comfort to MIL of being cared about, the ability to see for themselves that they have the whole story and that treatment is proactive, adequate, and effective.

    The rest is out of your hands.

    Maybe they could make arrangements for a couple/few weeks out. This is a stressful situation, one not-fully physically capable, several “new” drivers, and a dangerous travel weekend.

    Suggest — don’t push. You don’t want to be the one feeling guilty if you catch my drift 😉

    You know what I’ve been through with my DM. She also has a DNR. I am comfortable with that.

    My best offer of advice is to learn everything you can about CHF, and make sure that the family understands it as well. Know what symptoms to watch for and when to seek treatment, and if DxH still won’t go, urge him to make sure that people around her are educated and will act quickly. It is a progressive disease, and it is not something to f* around with.

    (((Hugs))) You know where to find me. 😉

  2. Thanks, Lisa! I have done all I can. And you are right. I just think the ex’s new g/f doesn’t want to let him out of her sight and that is going to be impossible. Not my problem any longer. I have had my say and have let it go to God.

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