Tag Archives: parenting

6 July 2010

Long Run

By Nicki

I am running in a 15K on Sunday.  It is not just any 15K.  This race is the Boilermaker.  This will be the 32nd running of the race.  So, in planning out my week, I knew I wanted to get one more long run in before the race so it would have to be two things:  (1)an early, very early morning run as we are anticipating a heatwave and (2) early in the week so I could recover from it and rest a bit before the race.

I took off Monday morning from my house at 5:45 am.  I truthfully was behind a bit already, having wanted to leave the house by 5:30.  I knew, though, that I had to hydrate before leaving and, because I planned on ten miles, I should eat something.  The alarm was set for 5 am but I got up without it going off and had a 22-ounce glass of water, a piece of whole wheat toast with Naturally More peanut butter on it and half a cup of coffee.  I also managed to get my sunscreen on and get out the door before 6 am.

The run was fantastic.  While it was daylight out, it was not until I managed to get to Main Street that I truly saw sun.  Glad I made sure that I had sunscreen on the backs of my legs – especially behind my knees – as that is what got hit.  Hope my shoulders don’t look too bad as it is hard to get sunscreen there.

Are you all noticing a trend here?  Studies have shown that runners are more susceptible to skin cancer so here is my public service announcement for the week.  PUT YOUR SUNSCREEN ON BEFORE GOING OUT ON A RUN!!!

The run eventually got tiring.  I had a GU – triple berry for those of you who may be interested – at about five miles.  I noticed I was not drinking as much as I normally do when I go on shorter runs.  This could have been a combination of many things:  just having gotten up, temp not being as high yet.  I am not sure but I do know I sweat profusely before I got home – at least that is the story my running clothing is telling.   By mile 7, my legs were not happy with me at all but I kept going.  There really is no choice as I have to get home.

I took two drinks with me, a water bottle that holds 22 ounces and was empty when I got home and a 20 ounce Orange G2 Gatorade.  Regular Gatorade is too sweet for me so I buy the low-calorie version.  I only drank about half the G2 which is unusual for me on anything over 6 miles.

I know this may seem boring to you all but let me tell you the mothering/parenting win of the day.  I had told both boys on Sunday night that I was going out for a very early run.  The 19 year old had to be to work Monday at 8 am and had worked almost 60 hours the week prior and was tired.  The 15 year old started his job as a camp counselor in a summer day camp Monday.  Both get themselves to work – the 19 year old driving, the 15 year old riding his bike.

When I walked around into the driveway, it was empty.  Both boys had managed to get up, pack their own lunches and get out of the house on time.  Score on the parenting continuum!



10 comments   |  tags: , , , | posted in Family, Fitness, Just my Thoughts

16 January 2010

Parents and Parenting

By Nicki

What would you do for your children?  Friday I turned on BravoTV at 8 am to take a break from reality.  I have watched news clips almost continually since seeing the Haitian earthquake first hit the news while I was in line at the grocery.  I tend to see a lot of news on those little televisions over the cash register line.

BravoTV was showing the end of season four of The West Wing which is where President Barlett’s youngest daughter Zoey is kidnapped.  In the same episode, Toby Ziegler’s ex-wife gives birth to twins and he is the father.  The juxtapositioning of a father in pain over the well-being of his daughter and a father questioning if he will be a good parent has never failed to amaze me.  The writers of this episode were/are amazing!

Below is some of the script from this episode.  I am particularly struck by Will saying:  ”Of the President temporarily handing over power to his political enemy?

I think it’s a fairly stunning act of patriotism. And a fairly ordinary

act of fatherhood.”

We all know about those ordinary acts of parenting – the call to pick up a sick child at school or university, the request to pick up a child from a party where things are getting out of hand, the request to help a child out with expenses until they find a job, the search for the perfect preschool or school.

Then, Toby – fresh from a visit to his newborn twins at the hospital – puts it all in perspective.  What you may ask does he put in perspective?  He puts words to that live changing moment when you become a parent.  He does so by saying, “And if somebody was hurting them, I’d drop napalm on Yellowstone to get

them to stop. Letting some prisoners out of jail wouldn’t be nothing and

I’ve known my kids for about forty-five minutes.”

So tell me about that pivotal moment when you realized that being a parent had changed everything in your life – the way you look at snow, the roads outside, the neighborhood bully, your spouse or significant other.So tell me about that pivotal moment when you realized that being a parent had changed everything in your life – the way you look at snow, the roads outside, the neighborhood bully, your spouse or significant other.

And, just to put it in perspective, I did try to find the clip of this on YouTube but couldn’t find it.  If someone sees it, let me know and I will put the video clip up.  Instead, I have included the piece of the script below.  The script is the property of NBC, not me.



LEO
He's invoking the 25th Amendment. He's invoking twenty-five.

JOSH
Really?

LEO
Yes.

C.J.
Is his mind made up?

LEO
He's with the Cabinet now. Where did everyone come down?

C.J.
Josh and I were on the fence. We don't know what Will thinks?

WILL
Of the President temporarily handing over power to his political enemy? I
think it's a fairly stunning act of patriotism. And a fairly ordinary act of
fatherhood.

LEO
Yeah, I do too.

TOBY
(approaching) Hey! (panting) The President's gotta get out of the West Wing.
I don't know what we've been thinking�

LEO
Why are you out of breath?

TOBY
I ran here very fast and there were some obstacles.

LEO
The babies are okay?

TOBY
Yeah, they're great. And if somebody was hurting them, I'd drop napalm on
Yellowstone to get them to stop. Letting some prisoners out of jail wouldn't
be nothing and I've known my kids for about forty-five minutes.

9 comments   |  tags: , , , , , , , | posted in Family, Just my Thoughts

8 January 2010

Language and Parenting

By Nicki

While the language we choose to use as parents is important, I want to discuss language acquisition and parenting.  As Big Little Wolf has indicated, “parenting rocks. parenting sucks. parenting rocks.”

Ever since Becca discussed her son’s lack of language, I have had these thoughts rolling around in my mind.  Parents need to be aware of developmental milestones and when help should be pursued.  These include many things – crawling, walking, talking, words, sentences – but they are not impossible to know what is “normal” and what is not.

Once a milestone is missed, parents need to move from parent to advocate, and usually at the whim of the system.  This has to be a seamless transition as you know your child better than anyone.  You are your child’s best advocate.

I share with you my own experience with not one but several of my children.  With child number one came the first issue.  His preschool, and I was working outside the home full time so he was in a day care/preschool setting, did annual speech evaluations.  The report came home that his teacher thought he should be evaluated.  I didn’t see an issue but agreed.  A speech/language pathologist came into the preschool and tested the kids.  Then, after a couple weeks, a report was mailed home with a request to share it with teachers.

I took the report very  seriously.  I called my pediatrician and made an appointment.  Was my child ill?  Was this a well-child visit?  The receptionist was very confused.  Why did I want a doctor’s appointment?  Well, the biggest reason was insurance.  The insurance company required a doctor’s referral to attend therapy.  The receptionist asked if she could call me back.  She wasn’t sure if this was an appointment or a consultation.  She wanted to schedule me as soon as possible but didn’t now where to put me or my son.

The pediatrician decided that he would do a physical exam so a regular appointment slot was needed.  He told the receptionist to let me know he didn’t believe anything was wrong but wanted to rule out any physical issues.  My son had had some health issues as a newborn – constant ear infections for the first 15 months, problems with the well water where we lived.  I was game for ruling out physical ear issues.

Two big things came out of the doctor’s appointment to the then naive and still fairly new mom – yes, I had three children at the time but still new at it.  The first was there was no physical reason for anything to be wrong.  This was good news.  Then came the other news, which I view now in retrospect but at the time thought was just professional jockeying.  He said that I should not worry about the speech report.  The woman was just trying to make a living.

Then came the twins.  Andy and Elise were as different as day and night from the moment they emerged from the womb.  At 38 1/2 weeks, Andy came out at one ounce shy of eight pounds.  Elise came out at five pounds, eleven ounces.  While she didn’t walk until 14 months and he did at 11 months, she talked or babbled constantly.  He did not.  My thoughts, again in retrospect after parenting for 25 years and researching twins, are that she would help him communicate what he needed so why should he learn.  Then, when he finally did start to speak, there were issues.  He didn’t speak properly.  He, just prior to his second birthday, had  speech evaluation.

Andy had a severe articulation disorder.  I was plunged into the school special education process and into becoming an advocate for my son.  The Committee on Preschool Special Education had just begun taking over what was early intervention from county health departments here.  Thankfully, our insurance at the time, once I manage to bully my way through the pediatrician to get a referral, covered six months of whatever therapy was recommended.  The problem was so bad, so severe that the actual recommendation was for a language-based preschool, not just daily – yes, five times a week – speech therapy.  The preschool recommendation was going to have to wait for the committee.  We started going to speech therapy every day.

By the time Andy’s case was in front of the committee six months later, he had improved.  This is a child whose language comprehension was two to three years above where his speech was.  The committee, through my advocacy, allowed Andy to continue with therapy as it was and to stay in his preschool environment that he was in, which was my goal.  I did not want to split the twins up at the age of 30 months.

What did I learn through all of this and two other children with speech issues later?  I learned that I had the capacity, even then when the internet was not prevalent, to find the information I needed.  I had the capacity to teach myself what was “normal.”  I had the capacity to advocate for my child as I knew my child better than the speech therapist or the committee members.  As parents, we may question ourselves constantly.  We may wonder if we have made the “right” decision.  We should never, though, question who knows our child/children best.  We do!

A caveat:  This is not meant to point fingers at others and their decisions about their own children.  As I said,  we know our own children best.  It is meant as a learning and sharing experience for becoming an advocate for yourself, your family, your children.

15 comments   |  tags: , , , , , | posted in Family, Just my Thoughts

7 January 2010

The Flour Baby Project

By Nicki

Each semester the high school student(s) in my house come home with tales of “The Flour Baby Project.” In New York State, high school students must take a half credit of health to graduate.  This course is offered every semester at our high school and includes such topics as STDs, alcoholism, CPR – each student is certified by the end of the course, and many more.

“The Flour Baby Project” is an attempt to teach parental responsibility.  I have heard tales of total lack of regard for the project and also tales of students that take the project very seriously.

Yesterday was the first day of this school year’s first round of “The Flour Baby Project.”  My 15 year old son was full of chatter on this topic this morning.  Boy X had his flour baby dressed in a sailor suit that had been his as a baby.  Girl Y had made Styrofoam arms for her flour baby.  Boy Z had made two faces on his flour baby, one awake and one asleep.  The stories went on and took me back to when four of my five older children had been involved in the flour baby project.

Previously, flour baby tales included tales of pens ripping through the bags of flour and entire rolls of duct tape being used to protect the “baby.”  These were not, at least yet, the tales from my youngest’s friends.  In my mind, these young adults are taking the assignment slightly more seriously.  They are dressing their “babies.”  They are making faces for their “babies.”

Now, the end question on effectiveness will come with the report that is due at the end of the project.  Did the “babies” actually get treated like a child?  Were they ever left unsupervised?

Do you recall parenting exercises in school?  Did your children take part in any such learning experiences?

On a slightly good note, all flour is donated to a food pantry at the end of the project providing the bag is undamaged.

11 comments   |  tags: , , , , | posted in Family, Just my Thoughts

11 December 2009

This and That

By Nicki

I have to tell you that I have had so many entry ideas running around inside my head I have been paralyzed.  I have been unable to get any of them out.  These wonderful inspirations are coming from the Half Drunk Challenge that Momalom.com has put out and continues for the next two days.  So, with the little time I have left in today – yes, I realize it is just barely noon but I still have to run and then back to Oneonta for a swim/dive meet, I am going to put some thoughts out there.  And, I am going to start with a reaction or two that came flitting into my mind when I read “Men’s Junk.”

I am going to preface my thoughts with this statement.  I am going to talk about penises because the original post did.  I am going to talk about penises because that is what I know best in this context.  I have to presume that there are lesbians out there that feel the same way about vaginas as some women do about penises but for me, this is going to be about penises – sort of and mostly.

As I was reading the original author’s thoughts, I got to thinking about parenting and penises.  Yes, I know that usually a woman needs a penis to get pregnant and become a parent but that is not quite where I am going.

As children grow up, a lot of their values and later thoughts are formed.  Are we doing these children any service by teaching them to call penises and vaginas by “pet names,” regardless of how cute these names may sound when a two year old blurts them out at the mall Santa or when it is quiet in church.

A lot of the disdain and general lack of support by women for penises comes from what they learned as a child.  If your mother always referred to your penis by some strange name or something that may indicate it is only for urinating – I cannot tell you the number of women I hear calling, even to other adults, their sons’ penis “wee wee,” chances are you are not going to want to become friends with your husband/boyfriend/lover/significant other’s penis.

When children are old enough to say the words vagina and penis, parents should encourage the proper terminology.  Parents should also make sure that children know that these organs have many reasons for being.

Let’s take this story which comes courtesy of #1 when he was not quite two.  I was rather largely pregnant with twins as #1′s second birthday approached.  He was two so there was not, in my mind, any reason to correct him when he said there were babies growing in my stomach/tummy.  For the most part, and as far as a two year old is concerned, that is where the babies were.  Actually for the 25 year old me, it was hard to believe my uterus could expand as much as it was for the twins so how could I expect a two year old male to get it.

Then came the morning I was sitting home on disability and having a cup of tea.  It was a morning that #1 was not at preschool as he was young and only went two days a week.  Being the good pregnant woman, I was having herbal tea – a habit I continue to this day.  #1 came over and started batting at my cup and telling me to stop.  I got up out of the chair and put the cup on the kitchen counter where #1 could not reach it.  I called to him and explained I had put my tea down but he should not bat at hot liquids – always a teachable moment.  He said, “Mommy canNOT drink hot tea.  It will burn the babies in her tummy.”

I was stunned.  The teachable moment was not about the hot liquid burning him if he caused me to spill the tea.  The teachable moment was going to be female anatomy.  I sat him on what was left of my lap and started in.  In the end, I settled for mommies have compartments and babies are not in the same one that hot tea goes to.  It was the best I had for a two year old.  I didn’t think uterus was necessary but I did tell him, at the end of the talk, that it was called a uterus.  Thankfully, this was not what he screamed out in church that weekend.

So parents, take note.  You form the way your children will look at sex of all kinds and how they will look at reproductive organs at a very young age.

Next – and heaven help you all as I think this is going to be a long one, let’s look at the adult point of view.  I happen to like sex.  I have always liked sex.  I am not sure that the person who wrote “Men’s Junk” does but maybe.  Hard to tell.  I like the pleasure and the release that comes through sex.  I also love the children that I have and they come through sex, too.

I have to be honest.  I like penises, at least most of them that I have met.  I am not afraid, whether at a fancy restaurant for a tete a tete or in the bedroom, to run my hand over a man’s thigh – providing that is where our relationship is – or even over his penis.  I know what turns a man on and am not afraid to discuss it with my children.  They do get a little queasy when mom discusses these things but we have had the discussions – from trust to sex to how to put on condoms to love.

I have explained to my children that a relationship needs to be two-way, sort of like those radios they wanted as kids.  It does no good if one person in the relationship isn’t really in it.  You need to talk about all kinds of things, including what give you and your SO pleasure.  If you do not discuss these things, how are you to know?  We are all so different individually that just thinking you know what will pleasure someone else is not good enough.

There are some ways, other than talking, that might help you find these pleasure areas.  If there is a great deal of trust in the relationship, it is possible you can “feel your way” around what will give your SO pleasure.  Sometimes, this exploration is fun but if you accidentally do something not so pleasurable, this can also be a problem.

Anyway, the long and the short – no pun intended as far as the penises go – remains that communication is tops for any kind of relationship:  man/woman, man/man, woman/man, parent/child,etc.  You have to talk.  You have to trust.  You have to explore.  All of these are forms of communication that are so  necessary.  And just remember, as a parent, there are tons of teachable moments so teach your child/children that the body is a beautiful thing and meant to be enjoyed.

6 comments   |  tags: , , , , , | posted in Family, Just my Thoughts

7 December 2009

#5 AGAIN

By Nicki

Almost as if he has been reading my blog, I just received a text from #5.  Just to refresh everyone’s memory – mine included – #5 just turned 19 in October and goes to a state university that is a dry campus.  Also to refresh your memories, this week is the week of the half drunk challenge.  And, just to put your minds at ease, NO I am not drunk or drinking – other than ginger and lemon tea – at 8:45 am.

Anyhow, the text message from #5 – whom I will see on Wednesday as I am traveling to Oneonta with a good friend who has an interview at the other college in town – was could you please bring me a bottle of red wine when you come.

A bit of background here.  I have never allowed – when I was awake – my underaged children to drink in my house.  I do not  condone underage drinking.  I am, though, a realist and know that my kids do drink, not the 15 year old yet but the other five.  I am also a realist in that I know #5 will get the bottle of wine from someone else if I decide to not take it with me.

My older children, numbers 1 through 4, have accused me of getting soft.  I have allowed #6 to do things that I would have let #1 do when he was this age.  I have not yelled and screamed at #5 about bringing alcohol into the house – though I have made him dump out alcohol I have found.  What my older children do not realize is I am not getting soft, I am just plain tired.  I am tired of being the one to be on booze patrol.  I am tired of being the “bitch” mom that no one wants around.  I am tired of trying to parent – though I know I still have decades of parenting ahead of me.  I want to take a break.  I almost feel like I deserve a break.

So, now back to #5.  Do I take him a bottle of red wine?  Do I ignore the fact that campus is a dry campus?  Do I ignore the fact that he is not legally able to drink?

What say you all?

43 comments   |  tags: , , , , , , | posted in Family, Just my Thoughts

7 September 2009

Book Review – The BlackBerry Diaries

By Nicki

The title intrigued me – The BlackBerry Diaries:  Adventures in Modern Motherhood (ISBN 978-1-55470-154-4).  I have always wanted to know what a blog would look like in print.  Two pluses right off the bat for Kathy Buckworth‘s book.  Then, I started reading.

blackberry

I opened up The BlackBerry Diaries while having lunch at Smart Monkey Cafe in Ithaca.  I have a new client in the area so was over there for a meeting.  This book came with me so I sat at Smart Monkey trying not to laugh outloud while finding out that Buckworth named her BlackBerry and considered it one of her children.  My 22 year old daughter names her possessions – her car, her mobile phone, her computer.  I name some of my things, definitely my computer.  I thought this was something that was just in my family.  Now I know better.

I have often coveted my 22 year old son’s and my 24 year old son’s BlackBerries.  Yes, I admit it!  I want one!!  I just can’t justify one yet.  Well, maybe, after reading the similarities between a BB and a toddler, I am rethinking my lust for new technology.  Maybe I just need a mobile with a qwerty keyboard.  Does anyone think it is odd that qwerty does not get picked up by spell check?

The BlackBerry Diaries is a laugh a page, wonderful commentary on adapting to new technology.  Technology, we all love it!  Laughs, we all love them!  Pick up a copy of Kathy Buckworth‘s The BlackBerry Diaries and find out how your BB is like a child and what you truly need for accessories.  The read is quick and witty.  It is in blog format but a printed blog.  I couldn’t put it down!

Once you read The BlackBerry Diaries, continue to follow Kathy at her blog.

I did receive a free copy of the book for review purposes.

1 comment   |  tags: , , , , , | posted in Book Reviews, Just my Thoughts

27 May 2009

Parenting Long Distance

By Nicki

I know that most of my friends think parenting is something you do with young children.  By the time you send them off to college, the job is done.  Well, I have found out otherwise.  Actually, I always thought otherwise.

 

I have one child who goes to school at the University at Buffalo.  I love the school as does he.  Unfortunately, his health has suffered while there.  His first semester at UB, as a transfer student so not his first time living away from home, he ended up with bronchitis.  This was a minor inconvenience as it prevented him from playing club lacrosse.

 

Last year he spent the summer in Amherst.  He had an internship at a business in Niagara Falls.  The end of July he had appendicitis.  Thankfully, his twin was in Niagara Falls for the summer so she went with him to the hospital.  His appendix was out and he was in recovery before I made it to Millard Fillmore Suburban.

 

In November, upon giving blood, it was pointed out to him that his blood pressure was rather high.  His father has had high blood pressure since his teens.  Our local doctor took care of this over Thanksgiving and the end of the semester break.  He is now on medication for his blood pressure.

 

Yesterday, he IM’s me.  He has been running a fever, has a cough and runny nose.  He keeps telling me that there seem to be a lot of cases of swine flu in Erie County but I am not sure why.  I tell him to go to Health Services.  While he is not in class for the summer, he is still living on campus and doing an internship again.  I was not impressed with the quality of what he was told at Health Services.  This was the first time I ever questioned Health Services.  First, he was prescribed an antibiotic even though he was told he probably didn’t need it.  I asked multiply times if he told the doctor he saw that he was on medication for high blood pressure.  Yet, the doctor told him to get some “Advil Cold and Sinus.”  I asked him to please discuss this with the pharmacist as I did not think this particular type of medication was intended for those with high blood pressure.  

 

His fever continued, even with acetaminophen, to climb until it reached 103F last evening.  At that point, I told him to find a walk-in and to go there and see a second doctor.  I told him to take his blood pressure meds and the prescribed antibiotic with him.  The doctor told him that he didn’t need an antibiotic.  He didn’t have strep and didn’t seem to have the flu.  He was given an alternating dosage of acetaminophen and ibuprofen to take to reduce the fever.

 

Some parenting never ends!

Leave a comment   |  tags: | posted in Family, Just my Thoughts

2 October 2008

The Email Alarm Clock

By Nicki

I know, you are thinking I must be drinking early in the day.  Who has ever heard of an email alarm clock?  I turn my computer off every night and, well, how would that work?

No, that is not quite the method I am looking at today.  I open my email first thing every morning - just my personal email, not work.  Occasionally, I get these cryptic emails from one of my kids who is away at college.  Suddenly, their lives have become so busy that they cannot wake to an actual alarm clock so would I call their apartment or cell and wake them up in the morning. 

I understand.  They will hit snooze for forever on the actual alarm clock.  I don’t give up so easy.  I let the phone ring and ring.  When they don’t pick up on the phone, I call back.  Sometimes, I have been known to wake up an apartment mate I am so persistent. 

Do you have an email alarm clock?

Leave a comment   |  tags: , , , | posted in Family, Just my Thoughts

21 July 2008

Another Stage in My Life

By Nicki

Yes, I have come upon a new stage in my life.  You may ask how I know but it is easiest to tell you all the pieces that pointed me to this conclusion.

First, my oldest child was in a wedding this past weekend.  Not as a ring bearer or any such thing.  He was one of the groomsmen for a college roommate’s big day.  I happened to go to Men’s Wearhouse with him for his tux fitting and should have realized this was sneaking up on me.  Most visits for tux fittings have to do with proms, not weddings.  Then, there was the call from his office with a strange question.  “Mom, I don’t know how to fill out this response card.”  “Response for what?”  “The wedding reception, of course.”

Second, my daughter who is only 21 and still in college came home for a visit over Memorial Day.  She is working at her university for the summer so is not here all summer.  She has stayed in close touch with her best friend from high school and did go over to visit with her before heading back to Niagara Falls that weekend.  She came home from said friend’s home and was all smiles and immediately says, “guess what?”  How the heck am I suppose to know?  Her best friend had gotten engaged that weekend.

And, the clincher, same daughter just called me about 45 minutes ago.  One of her best friends at university has applied for, and been accepted to, Customs and Immigration in the Department of Homeland Security.  The assignment came through a couple weeks ago and he is leaving in a week.  What did my daughter call to tell me?  She had just had to have a sit down meeting with an agent as part of the reference check.

When did these kids all grow up?

1 comment   |  tags: , , , , | posted in Family, Just my Thoughts

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 1,870 other followers