This post is part of the Half Drunk Challenge from Momalom.com. All entries can be found in the listing at Half Drunk Challengers. This was written by someone other than me but I am very happy and proud to be sharing it with you all.
I’m taking part in the Momalom Half-Drunk Challenge. A few glasses of wine later, here I go…
So, the blogosphere is semi obsessed with this Tiger Woods business. It’s certainly got it all: infidelity, drugs, money, the fall of an icon. In this TMZ world, our society has an insatiable & ravenous appetite for this story.
I’ve been watching. And reading. Just like everyone else. It’s been noted that he seems to have a preference for party girls (or bar skanks, as the case may be). I find this interesting because, in my former life, before I was married and before my identity became synonymous with all things mommy, I was a bona fide bar skank.
In fact, at one time, I dated someone who bore a striking resemblance to Tiger Woods. He was black and Japanese and I remember everything about him. My twenties were a blur of drinking, drugs, men & generally self-destructive behavior. I don’t remember a lot of the names of the men I hooked up with, but I remember Todd. We had hot, marathon sex and he joked about how his family would give him crap for dating a white woman such as myself. He was studying at Berkeley, edgy & super smart.
He broke up with me over the phone one night. I wasn’t devastated, but it stung. Maybe that’s why I remember him so vividly. Every time I have seen Tiger on TV over the woods, I always think of Todd because honestly, they could have been brothers.
Watching Jamie Jungers on the Today show this morning, I was fascinated. I found myself wondering how she ended up as a bar skank. What is her story? She claims she wasn’t raised to have an affair with a married man…but yet she did.
I thought back to when I was in my early to mid twenties. When bad choices, recklessness and instant sexual gratification were daily occurrences in my life. The kinds of things I did. Bad things. Things that haunt me to this day. Things that could destroy a person if they ever got out. I never cheated with a married man, but that might have been better than some of the things I have done. Frequent unprotected sex, threesomes, borderline gang rape scenarios, drug fueled one night stands, an unwanted & terminated pregnancy. More than once. It’s all something I sort of shove into the recesses of my psyche and pretend happened to someone else. In many ways, it was a different person. There are probably only 2 people who know some of my deepest, darkest secrets and the rest of the people in my life haven’t a clue.Not even my husband.
I look in the faces of my babies and am reminded of how far I have come. I feel overwhelming gratitude that I was given the gift of motherhood, even if I make a habit of complaining about how hard it is on a semi-regular basis. I feel great shame for some of the choices I’ve made in the past, but at the same time, certainly experienced a lot and in between the disturbing stuff, learned a lot about life. I came out of it slightly damaged, but all in all a pretty balanced person. I do have some regrets, there is no question about that. But I have much to be grateful for.
I wonder where these profoundly insecure women will be in 10-15 years? Will they look in the faces of their babies and regret some of their choices they have made?