I sat here on this slightly dreary Saturday morning with a mug of steaming coffee and these words below came out of me.
and that scares me
i miss you when i don’t see you
and that scares me
i want you more than i think i should
and that scares me
though i have trouble saying it, i need you
and that scares me
i love you and always will
and that doesn’t scare me at all
Yesterday was unique in that it was Veterans’ Day and that means November. Yet, it was almost 50F out and sunny. If you have ever stopped by certain parts of Upstate NY in the almost winter, you will know that those two things seldom happen together.
I traveled to Ithaca, NY yesterday afternoon for a client meeting. This is a weekly, most weeks anyway, thing and the drive was wonderful yesterday. And, I managed to get out during daylight so stopped quickly at a rest area above Ithaca College to take some pictures of Cayuga Lake.
Cayuga Lake from NYS Route 96B South of Ithaca College
Cayuga Lake from NYS Route 96B South of Ithaca College
Once home, I settled into “mom” mode and got dinner in the oven. After the chicken was done and the spinach sautéed, I was about to sit down and eat when I saw the sky outside. The wondrous day had lead to an even more wondrous sunset.
Sunset 11 Nov 09
Sunset 11 Nov 09
Sunset 11 Nov 09
I am not sure if I asked any of my children what today is a remembrance of they could tell me. All six could tell me November 11th celebrates veterans from all the wars the United States has been in but they could probably not tell me what war ended on this day in history.
On the 11th hour of the 11th day of the 11th month in 1918, an armistice was signed that ended World War I. Of course, at that time, no one foresaw there being a World War II or any of the other conflicts and wars that service men and women have sacrificed while fighting.
In other countries, you will find Veterans’ Day called Remembrance Day. We need to remember and honor those people from our country who have allowed us to have the lives we have.
So, while your kids have school off and many of us have the day off from work, take time today to say thank you to a veteran. Remember that without those who are willing to sacrifice time with their loved ones, you might not be able to spend time as you like with your loved ones. Go to a wreath laying. Go to a parade. Talk to your kids about what today means.
Thank you to all veterans and service men and women. Thank you for choosing to put your country’s needs above yours. Thank you for serving.
I know I should be more cynical. I know I should not accept chats with just anyone. I have to be honest, though. A lot of my friends have screen names that are just that, screen names. I do not know where they came up with them or why.
Imagine my surprise today when I get an IM request via Yahoo! Messenger for some strange name. The person – and I am not using this term loosely – is calling me by name and asking me to approve them to chat with me. I did not recognize the name. That is not a requirement to chat with me so I approved the person.
Well, first it was “I am uncomfortable as I have a crush on you.” What the heck?!? I should have taken that as a clue and blocked the screen name immediately. I just asked for a third time – “who are you?”
Well, then it was risque pictures and a few other words before I finally got the hint and blocked and reported the screen name.
When it comes to my children’s online safety, I am skeptical and cautious. Why cannot I not be the same way for myself? I am an open book online but I did not want to deal with this kind of crap today or any day.
How cautious are you with your IM?
I frequent a web site for moms run by our local Gannett newspaper. Yes, there has already been discussion of the holidays on said site.
First off, we are all interested in what someone else is doing for the holidays. Sometimes, it is because someone else’s horror story of how parents and grandparents always fight or Uncle Jimmy never gets through Thanksgiving dinner without getting totally drunk put in perspective what our families are like. It is that rubber-necking that makes us look at a car crash that makes us want to hear someone else’s problems with the holidays.
Second, we like to share what we do that works. Not everything works when tried. Different families have different traditions but I will say that I am ALWAYS willing to try a different tradition.
Just remember as the holidays approach, not everyone likes the holidays. Older friends, neighbors and family may feel all alone on during the holiday season. Please feel free to invite someone like this to your holiday disaster. While you may think your family does nothing but fight over who gets the turkey leg, an elderly neighbor or friend may find that entertaining.
Single people – no, I am not talking 20-something single people – frequently do not like the holidays. If you have friends who are divorced or separated and not seeing anyone, invite them to your free-for-all for the day. When you are that single friend, it is nice to know someone else cares enough about you to ask if you want to share their family and life.
And, if you don’t get what I am talking about, maybe this poem I wrote many years ago will help.
Holiday Pain
Everyone thinks of the holiday season
As one of joy and love
No one wants to admit the darkness
That shadows many
The pain that aches within a heart
That feels so all alone
Even friendly arms can’t hold it
The pain’s too strong
Though on the outside all seems well
The inside cracks and breaks
The pieces fall around the soul
Not sure where to go
Some day, someone will reach the heartache
And hold it all together
But for now the pain will linger
Almost til forever
First off, let me tell you I am a Bzz Agent, a part of the leading word of mouth network. Having studied advertising and marketing in college, I can tell you that word of mouth is the oldest and, in most cases, the most effective way to get information out there about your product or service. If you would like more information about Bzz Agents or becoming one, leave me a comment and I will send that to you.
So the current campaign I am participating in involves the Aveeno Nourish & Revitalize shampoo and conditioner. There was a choice and, due to the mess my hair gets to be, I chose the revitalize. As for the mess of my hair, I use to color it all the time. My hair took a beating with coloring. Then, in 2007, I started running. The sweat, the sun, the other elements – cold, snow, rain, and then the constant washing to get all those things out of my hair really took its toll on the condition of my hair.
The past month or so I have been using the Aveeno Nourish & Revitalize shampoo and conditioner. My hair feels healthier. It looks healthier. It is healthier. Just a caveat, I have also had it trimmed in this time so that helps with the healthier part. I attribute a lot of the feel and look of my hair to the Aveeno shampoo and conditioner.
I strongly encourage you to consider an Aveeno Nourish shampoo and conditioner the next time you are purchasing such for yourself or your family.
The world is a different place for my children than it was for me growing up. Even though my children are now almost 25, 22, 22, 21, 19 and 15, they do look at a map of Europe and do not know that Germany use to be two countries. They do know this from studying it but for the most part, my children have never know two Germanys.
Twenty years ago today, the Berlin Wall came down. Actually, twenty years ago today, East Germany said that citizens could visit family and friends in West Berlin and West Germany freely. The Berlin Wall actually kept East Germans out of West Berlin. There was another barrier, longer than the wall that encircled West Berlin, that separated West Germany and East Germany.
When the East German government, in November of 1989, announced that East German citizens could visit West Germany and West Berlin without restriction, the wall was still in place. Over the following few weeks, it would be chipped away by revelers and the general public. Eventually, the government would take the remainder down with construction equipment.
The final fall of the Berlin Wall was the start of the reunification of Germany into what my children know.
… runners. Or at least one runner I know.
My good friend Steve is training for the Boston Marathon. He qualified at the 2008 Wineglass Marathon. One of his goals is to make his long run of the week not less than a half marathon during the training period. That may not sound like a big deal but here in upstate NY, winter may have a few ideas its own about that.
Sunday, he ran a long run from here in Endicott. I live in a valley and there are few things around me but hills – some soft and rolling, some steep and never-ending. To get a 13.1 mile course, he got one of the not so soft and rolling hills to run.
Edson-Pollard Loop
Find more Runs in Endicott/johnson City, New York
To make up for the calorie burn of a run like that – just under 2000 if I recall correctly, a runner needs to eat.
Omelet Pizza
This wonderful looking – and yes, it tasted wonderful, too – was post-run breakfast. It is an omelet with red onion, broccoli, spinach, ham and garlic cheese. This tasted so good I want to keep the pan and have one every day!
I started this entry last night and then deleted it. Yes, a portion of it was saved but only a line or so. Why did I delete it? I was self-censoring. I know some of the people who read my blog and I was not totally sure that I wanted some reading this.
Then, came the realization that I am a writer and I really need to write, without worrying about who is reading the writing.
I have been single for over 12 years. I have raised six children mostly single-handed. They, all six of them, seem to be well-adjusted. I have dated and that is definitely a past tense word. Until starting to go out with a friend lately, most of my post-marriage dating has been in the past. When I went out, I would go with friends and still do.
So, imagine my surprise when my good friend said to me, over the weekend, that I need him in my life. I stopped in my tracks. I wanted to immediately say I don’t need you. Yet, I just looked at him. I couldn’t respond.
If I said he was right, I was letting him in further. If I said he was right, I was admitting that I couldn’t do everything in my life for myself. If I said he was right, I was vulnerable. Wait! Why was this so difficult? What was wrong with any of those scenarios?
Do I need him in my life? Do I want him in my life? One is so easy to admit. The other pulls me to run and hide. Why? Well, some of why might be found in my blog entry “Do You Always ‘Fess Up?” as I discussed some of my past relationships. I am not sure I want to be vulnerable. Yet, I know that vulnerability is an important part of who we are as people.
The word need still hangs in the air this morning. I know that if I were to say I want this friend in my life I am being 110% honest. Do I need this friend in my life? I think he may be right in saying I do need him. The question now is can I verbalize that need.
